Strength of Quiet Confidence: From Chaos to Clarity

“The key to navigating power dynamics is knowing your own power. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a position of authority. Your power lies in your values, your boundaries, and your ability to act in alignment with them.” Marie Chindamo

[EP010] – The Strength of Quiet Confidence: From Chaos to Clarity

In this solo episode of ‘Choice, Not Chance: Simplifying Success,’ host Marie Chindamo delves into the importance of trusting your intuition, standing by your values, and making intentional choices in challenging situations. She builds on themes from a previous bonus episode, offering universal principles for managing life’s disruptions. Marie emphasizes the power of aligning with our internal energy frequency and the strength found in quiet resilience. She explores strategies for navigating power dynamics and taking small, intentional steps over time to achieve transformative and sustainable change. Self-care, reflecting before reacting, setting clear boundaries, and celebrating small victories are key takeaways to maintaining personal power and integrity.

Show Highlights

[Ep 010]:  Description

00:00 Introduction to Choice, Not Chance

00:27 Reflecting on Personal Challenges

02:45 Understanding Emotional Reactions

05:39 Navigating Power Dynamics

09:39 The Importance of Values and Intuition

14:30 Real-Life Examples and Applications

26:29 Strategies for Self-Care and Reflection

28:26 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Transcript:

EP010 – The Strength of Quiet Confidence: From Chaos to Clarity

[00:00:00] Welcome to another episode of choice, not chance, simplifying success. I’m your host, Marie Chindamo. I am so grateful you’re joining me today for this solo episode that dives a little deeper into the themes we explored in the solo episode that I had on “Trusting Your Gut: Moving Forward When There are No Words.”  It’s a bonus episode, episode seven, and in that specific story, I shared a very personal challenge that I had experienced. And because it’s so deeply personal, I put it as a bonus episode. 

If you have not listened to episode seven, it’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re going to miss any of the things I’m sharing with you today because what I’m sharing with you today is universal. The principles that I am going to speak to today can be used in various scenarios. But for those that did listen to the episode, these principles were applied in my mind, in my behaviors, [00:01:00] in the way I thought, in the actions I took during the time that I navigated this challenge. And I didn’t speak to these specific principles during that episode because I was revealing some emotional trauma that I was going through.

So, this, be it a follow up or a compliment to episode seven, also is a standalone. I don’t want you to feel you’re missing anything by not listening to that story. In that episode, I shared a deeply personal story of a situation that had me at a loss for words. And we’ve all been there. I was put on my heels, as the phrase goes.

And we’ve all been there. I’m sure at one point or another in your life you experienced a situation where you were so shocked or surprised and maybe unexpectedly and maybe unexpectedly at the receiving end of someone else’s actions or words or behaviors that put you at a loss for words. I’ve learned so [00:02:00] many lessons from the situation in the story I shared, Trusting Your Gut, and other situations throughout my life since then that have put me on my heels.

And with each time that I’ve experienced this, I’ve gotten better and better at learning how to handle it. And it’s not easy, but I can make it simple.

You see, we feel that we’re at a loss because we don’t realize that we have power within us to get through any situation. It’s just that we get our frequency, just like a radio frequency or a cell phone frequency gets disturbed by this external energy. So the key is to tune back into your frequency.

It’s there. You just got to get in touch with it.

And today I want to reflect on what it means to stand in [00:03:00] alignment with our values, to trust our instincts, find strength in our actions, even when we feel voiceless, at a loss for words, confused – not sure what action to take. We have tremendous strength that lies within us that we have to remember is there and we have to respect it and we have to know that it’s our safety net and we should not put ourselves in a position of reaction if we’re not ready and not prepared to take the steps that are in our own best interest.

And that’s why I say, “trust in your gut when there are no words,” when I use the phrase “action through silence or the power of quiet resilience.”

It’s often that our emotions become so jumbled that we cannot identify a way forward and we panic. You see the human mind works like [00:04:00] this, first we think, and then we draw an emotion from that thought. Then we translate that emotion into words, whether it’s words that we speak outwardly or in many cases, words that you speak to yourself.

So, we would speak the thought and then we would take action. It sounds pretty simple, and we do it all the time, every day, all day. But when you’re turned on your heels and your emotions are so jumbled, you don’t know whether to feel anger, sorrow, self-pity, there’s all of this jumbling of ideas and emotions in your head.

You feel compelled to translate all of that into words. And you’re maybe just so confused as to what to do, because beyond the words comes action. If you speak it, you have to do it.

And sometimes we jump right past the words, we go from emotion to action without the process of breaking everything down. And that’s where things get dangerous, right? That’s where things get a [00:05:00] little risky because it’s called reaction. I want to explore strategies for us to find safety and comfort in silence, even if it’s just temporary.

In many cases, it is only temporary because at some point we have to do something with the new information. I want to explore strategies for navigating power dynamics, which was a big part of the story I shared in episode seven, Trusting Your Gut. Power dynamics go both ways. And since that day, I’ve had power dynamics where I was subordinate to the power and power dynamics where I was superior in the power dynamic.

And in both cases I have been confronted with a situation that put me at a loss for words. Let’s be honest. Let’s just break it down to something really, really simple. For those of you that are a [00:06:00] parent or who know parents, the parent, hopefully, in most healthy parent child relationships, the parent holds the position of power.

And I don’t mean unreasonable power, I mean respectful, responsible power, right? Even in the simplest terms, if you use that as an example and your child acts in a way that totally blows your mind and you don’t know what to do, you’re in the position of power. to take action.

The same thing applies if you are in a hierarchy in an organization, in a professional position of power. I’ve had employees that have worked for me or indirectly in the chain below me do outrageous things. And I was in a position where I had to make a decision about what consequences were going to unfold based on the thing that happened.[00:07:00] 

And sometimes, the things that happen totally blow your mind. And you’re at a loss for words, even when you’re in the position of power. So this gets really, really expanded as we look at it, but I don’t want to make it too complicated. I want to go back to the whole point of there are things in our life that are going to shock us, put us in awe, put us in a state of disbelief that we may not be ready to apply words and actions to.

And that is okay. It is better to do nothing. In many situations, unless you’re in danger, of course, let’s just take that completely out of this equation. But it’s better to do nothing than to take an action, that could create even new or deeper problems, take a moment aside and find space for yourself to sort out what [00:08:00] the next step is for you to do.

I’m going to explore strategies on small steps over time. In any situation, small steps over time can lead to transformative change. Sometimes we want to take a huge step when we’re confronted with something really problematic –

we need to do something drastic and it’s sometimes necessary when you’re in a traumatic Acute situation you need to stop damage from being done. That’s a really small percentage of time when that needs to happen. What I’m referring to here is – you being put on your heels by something that happened, maybe over the buildup of time and whether it was something sudden and where acute behavior, something that’s really, really huge, doesn’t need to be done in the moment.

You’re not pulling someone away from fast moving traffic. We want to look at how do we navigate our shock and [00:09:00] awe. How do we move through a power dynamic? How do we move through shock and trauma through small steps over time? That’s what leads to transformative change –

sustainable change.

Reflecting back on what I said earlier about our internal frequency and that frequency being disrupted by some energy that we’ve experienced, energy that’s shocking to us or energy that’s not positive. 

Our frequency of stability, positive momentum, things that are productive in our lives, um, a sense of balance gets knocked off, gets disturbed by this external process, this external thing that’s happening to us. We have an internal radio dial.

The internal radio dials that we have to tune back into our frequency to stay strong on the current that we were focused [00:10:00] on are your values. Those are what tune you back into the frequency that you were previously on. And those dials will help you get back on track when you’re experiencing some type of incident or disruption to your frequency.

That’s the way that you get back to having a flow of energy that is working for you. We get this static, this sometimes small static, sometimes large static that disrupts that frequency, or perhaps we allow it to disrupt the frequency, right?

There are people that have learned how not to allow disruptions to their frequency. Right. The gurus that sit in the mountains, the people that are just, you know, so stable at all times and things hit them and they just allow it to bounce off.

Well, that’s not the average person. The frequency that we all operate on is tuned in through our [00:11:00] values. If you’ve listened to any of my episodes, if you follow any of the things that I stand for, I want to make sure that you never forget what it means to stand in alignment with your values and more importantly to trust your instincts because that’s where you’re going to find strength in whatever action you decide to take.

Even when you feel voiceless. That’s so important to recognize. Finding strength in your values is going to fuel whatever action, be it small, be it large that you have to take to eventually get your voice back.

Once you illuminate your values and you allow them to be firmly planted within you, they become part of you. They become part of your limbic brain. That’s called your intuition – that quiet voice inside that often knows what’s right. [00:12:00] long before your rational mind catches up with you. It’s in those moments of confusion or self doubt where intuition becomes your compass, especially when the stakes are high.

Don’t let that voice fade in the background. Don’t rationalize what’s happening around you and dismiss the voice that’s inside you. Because when, as they say, if it, quacks like a duck and it walks like a duck, it’s most likely a duck, right? If someone acts in a certain way, they’ve done a certain thing, they said a certain thing, then our intuition knows that that’s what it is, right?

Don’t rationalize around it. “Well, this person was a great person. This person never behaved like this before. This person is inconsistent with what they’ve ever said in the past.” We can talk our way out of the most productive thing for us to do to move forward to [00:13:00] prevent it from happening again.

In the case of the story I shared with “Trusting your Gut, I was blown away by the person’s behavior. It wasn’t consistent with anything I’ve ever seen before. And yes, initially I dismissed it. But I kept my eyes open. I kept my eyes open for signs that,

if it repeated itself, then it surely meant that I wasn’t imagining the behaviors that I experienced and that it was true to form. And sure enough, the behavior did repeat itself and it was true to form. So in that case, my intuition is right and my intuition guided me on what to do after the fact.

 I did not let my intuition charge my emotions to the point where I did something radical because I had a lot at stake. And in many power dynamic situations, the [00:14:00] stakes are very high, whether you’re at the subordinate end of the power or whether you are the person in the hierarchy. Right? For example, I had situations in my career where I, as a chief HR officer, or even in the HR lead positions was the decision maker for the outcome of someone’s poor behavior.

And there are times that you scratch your head and go, how do I manage this? What outcome should I support? Should I be punitive to the person? Should I be rehabilitative to the person? Should I terminate the relationship with this person? There’s many things that went through my mind. I had an employee that worked for me back, um, 20 years ago, who was my right hand person.

I was really dependent on this person, had consistently been there, dependable, [00:15:00] had shown up, carried through on their responsibilities, did so many great things, and was a rising star. And I was confronted with, I learned through an audit that this person made a judgment, consciously made a judgment to benefit from a mistake that he identified in the payroll system.

And. Yeah, it was completely out of character for this person. It was completely out of character from what I expected this person to do. And I was in a position of power to make a decision whether to terminate the relationship. Did I rehabilitate the relationship? I really didn’t know at the time what decision to make.

And I took time. I didn’t jump into action. I took space, I took [00:16:00] time, I reflected, I listened to my intuition, I did many things, including being vulnerable by sharing the story with others, because by the way, I was embarrassed by it, and being embarrassed by it, sometimes you don’t share the story. Because this was a person on my team, this reflected on me and my department.

So sometimes there’s a level of embarrassment there. And that happens regardless of the specifics of what the power dynamic looks like. As another example, I was speaking to someone very close to me this week. This person has many roles in her life. One of them is a parent to young children.

And one of those young children is an early teenager. This child did something that in her eyes and many people from the outside looking in thought was horrific. It would have turned any parent on their heels. 

And she was blown away. And she didn’t know [00:17:00] what to do first. She walked through in her mind of all the thoughts were that were going on. All the feelings, the emotions, the anger, the disappointment, the sense of loss. Because when you do see something like that, you feel a loss with the identity of the person that you knew.  She didn’t know what to do other than reach for a bottle of wine at 11 o’clock on a Monday. 

This person is a very well balanced and well maintained individual, but she didn’t know what to do other than self medicate. And I would have probably thought the same thing for a brief moment. But your rational mind needs to prevail. Your intuition needs to prevail. And so you don’t take action until you are ready.

Sometimes being inactive, taking no action, taking a step back, being reflective, going deep into self care is what you need in the moment. So what I did back when I told my story about trusting your gut is I did go into self care. 

I walked away from [00:18:00] the initial shock and surprise and I made sure that my needs were met. I was not going to react to the situation. In that specific story, there was a huge power dynamic. There were many fears in my mind and I really can’t articulate what they are and what they were, but I will tell you this. I didn’t know what to do overtly, but I knew what to do intuitively and that was to show up consistently honoring the values I held in high regard, the values of fulfilling my responsibilities, having tremendous integrity, getting my job done, and being a consummate professional. That I knew worked for me because if I faulted in any of those areas, I was robbing myself. 

Any deviation from showing up in alignment with my values would have been punitive to me. It would have distracted from my character and I wasn’t going to let that happen. [00:19:00] And that’s something you have to remember every time you get put on your heels.

You. Fall. Back. On. Your. Strengths. You have values. No one can take them away from you. I say it in almost every episode. That is your anchor and you have to hold strong to them. Don’t deviate. And I didn’t. 

So back to situations that put us on our heels again, the power dynamic can be as in “Trusting

Your Gut”, I was on the subordinate end of the power. In the situation that I just told you about the parent child, the parent was in the position of power. In both cases, the result is the same. Take that step back. Take some time to reflect on the situation.

The next time you feel uneasy, pause and ask yourself, what feels off here? Break it down. Like go really deep here. Don’t [00:20:00] just go, “Oh my gosh, this person is a huge disappointment.” Break down why? Sit with the feeling. Eventually some clarity will emerge as to what we need to do.

When we trust ourselves enough to listen, the answer will reveal itself. It may not happen in 24 hours. It may not happen in 48 hours. It may take time. 

 Relationships with powerful, relationships with powerful individuals can be challenging. Power brings influence and influence can blur boundaries. In the situation I described in episode 7, I was the employee. And the person who betrayed my trust was the employer. And I felt stuck questioning whether if speaking up would jeopardize my job or my position or even my peace of mind.

So I’ve been there and I’ve been there since, maybe not as dramatically as what I described in the story I shared, but in other ways. And we’ve all been there. When we’ve had someone who had control over our income, our profession, right, how we spend our days, and we don’t know what to do because power dynamics get blurred with your worth.

 Remember, power dynamics do not define your worth. Even in the face of intimidation or uncertainty. Small actions like setting boundaries, seeking allies, or taking time to reflect on the situation can lead to big changes, can certainly lead to internal strength. Maybe these steps seem somewhat insignificant in the moment, but they are the foundations of reclaiming your strength.

The key to navigating power dynamics is knowing your own power. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a position of authority. Your power lies in your values, your boundaries, and your ability to act in alignment with them. I’ll give you another example. And it’s not nearly in the same category as what I shared in episode seven.

I was asked to commit to something from someone that maybe held two degrees more power in the dynamic of the relationship. The person was a client of mine. So, the only power dynamic this person held was future [00:21:00] income – continuing to be my client. And in all other respects in the relationship, this person was definitely solid. The dynamic and how we work together was great. It was pleasurable on both sides. It was reciprocal. Um, I served. I provided a really great service. This person paid consistently. It’s been going on for many years and it worked well.

I was requested to make a commitment by this person in a way that benefited them more than me. I was really torn about it. I felt slightly pulled towards the power dynamic of this person, maybe not doing business with me anymore, if I chose not to oblige the request. On the flip side, I felt like this specific request violated one of my values.

And it wasn’t really a big deal. It was more about – well, it is a big deal because my values are big deal to [00:22:00] me. It was about my value of freedom. The person was asking me to commit to something every Wednesday at six o’clock for the next six months. I felt by saying no, this person would see me differently. By saying no, I wasn’t giving this person something that benefited them. By saying yes, I was compromising my value of freedom. Committing to something weekly at the same time on the same day, with no benefit to me, compromised my ability of flexibility and freedom. That made my decision really easy.

It made it super easy. I took the step back, again inaction, didn’t respond immediately, had to reflect, thought it through deeply, weighed out what benefit it was to me, which was de minimis, and said, you know what, no, I’m not going to do it. [00:23:00] I’m going to say no. And I went back to the person and said, with no big, major excuse of, “Every Wednesday at six o’clock I have yoga or every Wednesday at six o’clock I’m putting dinner on my table and therefore….”, no, it was truly the result of me evaluating what was best for me.

And I said very specifically, my values dictate freedom. And by locking myself in to this 90 minutes every week at this day and this time, compromises my value of freedom, and therefore I cannot do it. And you want to know the power I gave back to myself when I was able to articulate that it felt great because the person had to respect that.

If they were a person that I wanted in my circle, then they will respect that. And if they don’t respect it, maybe they don’t belong in my circle. Fortunately, in this part of my life, I can choose who I want in my professional circle. I can choose who I want to do business with.[00:24:00] 

And this is where it gets tricky for people that don’t have that ability to choose who they do business with. When you’re working for a manager, a supervisor, an owner that does not have integrity, it gets really, really challenging. It gets challenging in many power dynamics. It doesn’t have to be an employer employee relationship.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a position of authority or just starting out in your career. Your power lies in your values, your boundaries, and your ability to act in alignment with them. Period. When you’re faced with a situation where power feels unbalanced, ask yourself, what do I have control over in this moment?

What actions align with my values and protects my sense of self? How can I set boundaries that communicate my worth without compromising my safety or integrity? 

Finally, this leads me to the [00:25:00] concept of small steps. When I look back on the moments when I felt powerless or overwhelmed, what ultimately carried me through was the accumulation of small, intentional actions. Each step, no matter how insignificant it may have seemed at the time, was a building block.

Saying no when it mattered, showing up for work despite challenges, choosing not to dwell on self-blame, each choice added strength to my foundation. Layer by layer, and there’s something deeply empowering about realizing that progress doesn’t require grand gestures.

It’s the small, consistent actions repeated over time that create real change. It’s the same in everything I speak to when it comes to success. It’s small and consistent.

Think of it like planting seeds. A single seed might seem insignificant But we all know over time with care and consistency, it grows roots, it strengthens and flourishes into something much larger than you can imagine, right?

Every small step [00:26:00] you take is like planting a seed of resilience and growth. So finally, how do we integrate these ideas? Navigating power dynamics, trusting our intuition, taking small steps into our daily lives. Here are some strategies that work for me. First and foremost, care and concern for yourself.

Self-care particularly. We all know that when we’re stressed, we haven’t eaten properly, we haven’t slept well, we have allowed other things to infiltrate our life, take us out of our schedule, our tolerance and our patience and our openness to situations is reduced. So, self-care is paramount.

I’ve said it throughout this episode, pause and reflect. There is no need to immediately react. Sometimes just taking that step back and being silent is your action. When you’re faced with a power imbalance or challenging [00:27:00] situation, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself what feels right in your gut. 

Don’t rush to respond. Give yourself the space to process it and act intentionally. You’ll never regret no action. Almost never. Anyhow. unless your life is on the line, but you will regret the wrong action. Set boundaries with clarity. Whether it’s a personal or professional relationship, clearly communicate your limits, clearly communicate your values.

As I’ve said over and over again, boundaries are not just a form of self-protection, they’re a declaration of your worth. Lastly, celebrate the small wins. Progress isn’t always linear. Celebrate every small step you take toward alignment with your values. Over time those steps will add up to significant transformation and it will become easier.

People will learn who you are. Brand “YOU.”. That’s your [00:28:00] values. They’re synonymous. As we close, I want to leave you with this. Trusting your intuition and navigating power dynamics are not about controlling the external world. They’re about standing firmly in your inner strength.

When you align your actions with your values, you reclaim your power no matter the circumstances. If you’re navigating a challenge right now, know this, you do not have to conquer it all at once. Start with one small action that feels true to you. That single step can be the beginning of a journey toward growth, resilience, and healing.

 Even when it feels like you’re walking through the dark, remember this, you are not alone. Your intuition is your guide, your values are your anchor, and the small steps you take will lead you to clarity and strength tomorrow. Thank you for joining me on this journey. If today’s episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Send me a message on LinkedIn or leave me a review on Apple Podcasts. Let’s keep building this community of support and empowerment together. [00:29:00] Until next time, take care of yourselves, trust your gut and stay true to your values. They will never steer you wrong.

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